


First Day of School

by Squid_Ink



Series: Glue and Duct Tape [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bonds of Family, F/M, Family, First Day of School, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 19:09:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15647118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squid_Ink/pseuds/Squid_Ink
Summary: Natasha doesn't want to let him go, but she has to. She has to let James go to school.





	First Day of School

**Author's Note:**

  * For [beckyg10](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beckyg10/gifts).



One of the highlights of living in New England, every autumn the leaves turned into a riot of color: gold and reds and orange, they crunched under foot and James had loved jumping into big piles of leaves, giggling as he crunched them in his small hands. The rain always caused the leaves to have that mulchy funk that she found so endearing, sometimes James would end up covered in leaves and mud, roaring and telling her how he's a leaf monster intent on eating her. Steve would jump in overly dramatic with a pot lid and a wooden spoon, telling her to run and save herself. She'd end up washing two sets of clothes and the lid and spoon after James effectively "slew" his father.

She cherished those memories. Laura had told her to hold onto them, keep them close to her heart because one day James will no longer be so little, so innocent. She had scoffed at the advice at the time, but now on this brisk September morning with mist curling around the mailbox's post and the dark brown drunks of the ancient trees, she regretted not taking more pictures, more videos, opting to delegate this mission or that mission to a more junior (but just as capable) agent. James was already five — almost six — and off to his first day of kindergarten.

The bus came at seven-thirty, classes started an hour later. Her alarm had gone off at six; the water in the bathroom was running and Steve was singing some Irish song loudly and badly off key (and his Irish needed some work, but she won't fault him for that. According to him the last time he heard the song sung by someone other than him, he was seven and it was his mother). She laid in bed, staring at the ceiling wondering where the time went. It felt like yesterday Steve was carrying her into the house with James nestled safely in her arms. She traced the scar along her lower abdomen. A difficult birth to finish a difficult pregnancy: James was breeched, something inside her tore, Helen said she almost died once or twice and everyone was afraid Steve would tear the entire hospital ward in the tower down to get to her; thank goodness Thor was there to hold him back otherwise things may have gotten dicey. In the end, both she and James made it out alright. "Are you going to lay in bed all day?" Steve asked, his voice muffled as he pulled on an undershirt. "It's James' first—"

"I know," she said, not bothering to keep the melancholy from her voice. She sat up and looked at Steve. It still amazed her that she even fell in love with him, considering her first was that he was a straight up boy scout. His old fashion chivalry (so dead in this day and age) was something that endeared him to her. He came over and gave her a kiss, his hands on either side of her hips.

"You should be excited. He's going to school," he said, though the excitement was absent in his own voice. "He'll learn things and grow up to be—"

"Captain America," she said, tapping his nose. "He told me yesterday that's what he wanted to be when he grew up. Captain America, just like Daddy." She grinned when Steve's ears turned pink.

"Ah… well, he… he can't be whatever he wants," he murmured and gave her another quick peck. "Do you want to get him or should I?"

"Go start the pancakes, I'll wake him up." She patted his side and he nodded, freeing from the delicious cage of his arms. He pulled on his pants and headed downstairs to make pancakes. "Remember the chocolate chips!" she told him.

"I know!" he hollered back. She smiled, pulling on her panties followed by some sweats and Steve's SHIELD hoodie. Fury had put her on administrative duty since becoming a mother. She chaffed at it, but he made a sound argument: James needed at least  _one parent_  with a nine to five job. Steve was too valuable in the field, so that left her. As much as she hated it, as much as she wished she was alongside her husband taking out bad guys and saving the day, she accepted (and agreed to an extent) that her son needed her around and that this was the best compromise short of retiring completely. She sighed, thinking about asking Fury to put her back on light assignments now that James started school. She pulled her hair up in a lazy ponytail before going to her son's room.

James' room was still dark, he was snuggled in his little car bed, buried beneath his Captain America comforter. In fact, her son's room was a little shrine to his father. Posters of Steve, those wall decals of Steve, stars and stripes all over. She wondered if Steve was flattered or slightly disturbed with James' childish adoration of him. Another thing she was nervous about with school looming ever closer: James' pretense to brag to almost  _everyone_  he meets that his daddy is Captain America and he's the coolest hero ever. It was okay around the team, and those who knew who his father was, but… this was a public school. Most of America didn't know their iconic hero was a father, let alone married (to an ex-KGB agent no less). They had worked very hard to keep their private life  _private_. For their peace of mind and especially now, for James to have a sense of being normal.

She tiptoed through the minefield of action figures and Legos, kneeing down next to her son. He had the comforter pulled up beneath his small nose, his pale red hair mussed from sleep. He was almost the spitting image of his father, save for the hair, that was all her. "Jamie," she cooed, combing his hair, "Jamie baby, wake up. Daddy has pancakes and bacon cooking."

James gave a soft moan before opening his bright blue eyes. "Pancakes?" he asked. She nodded. "With chocolate chips?"

"He wouldn't make it any other way," she said. "You need to get up, it's time to get ready for school."

"School…  _School!_ " James woke up then, throwing the covers off his tiny body and bounding about. "I'm gonna go to school! I'm gonna go to school!" he shouted, bouncing around his room. "I'm gonna go to school!"

"Yes, yes you are, but first you need to get dressed." She went over to his dresser and scooped up the clothes she had set out for him yesterday: a sky blue polo shirt, khaki shorts and white socks with a blue stripe at the top. "Come, time to get dressed."

"Okay, Mommy," he said and pulled his pajama bottoms off and she slipped on the underwear (she marveled at how adorable children's underwear was). Next came the shorts and shocks and he held his arms up over his head to allow her to pull his top off. She tickled his stomach and he fell into her arms. "Mommy!"

"Whatty?" she kissed his forehead, before putting his shirt on. She buttoned the bottom button, and then combed his hair, smoothing it down with some water. "Okay, go eat and no spilling!"

"Yes, Mommy," he shouted as he ran down the stairs, his footsteps thundering as he did so. She looked around his room, kicking the toys aside as she picked up his pajamas and made his bed. She picked up his colorful backpack (he had tried to get her to buy him a Captain America one but she refused) and put his school supplies in it before heading down stairs.

He was munching on bacon while Steve cut up the pancakes into bite size pieces. "You look… tired," he said, a smile quirking at his lips. She made a face at him before looking at her son.

"Can Mommy have a bite?" she asked. James blinked, before handing over his half eaten piece of bacon. "Thank you," she said, accepting it and popping into her mouth. She accepted the coffee Steve handed her as he set the cut up pancakes before James. "You think you gave him enough syrup?"

"I drizzled," he said.

"They're drowning in syrup." She smiled as she sipped her coffee. "You sent pancakes to their doom before they even got a chance to live."

Steve rolled his eyes as James laughed, mouth full of bacon and pancake. "Mommy you're funny!"

"Chew with your mouth closed baby, nobody likes your see food," she chided. He nodded and chewed with his moth close. Steve set a plate of bacon and pancakes in front of her too. "How come you didn't kill my pancakes with syrup?"

"Syrup." He set the bottle of syrup in front of her. She cut a slice of butter and put it on her pancakes and smothered them in syrup. James reached for the bottle she gave him a look. He pouted. Steve joined them, with a large stack of pancakes.

"How come Daddy gets so many pancakes and I only got two?" James asked, which prompted Steve to sacrifice a few strips of bacon to his son.

"Because Daddy needs to eat a lot," Steve said, "so he can continue to be super strong and super fast in order to save the world."

"Oh." James chomped on his bacon. "Will I need to eat a lot too?"

"Maybe." The small family ate in silence for a few minutes. She turned Steve's wrist towards her to glance at the watch. It was only seven, they had another half-hour before the bus came. "Now, James," Steve said, "you know you're special right?"

"Uh-huh. I'm super strong and super smart and I can jump really, really high!" He grinned. "Like you Daddy."

"That's right buddy and because you're like me, you have to be careful at school."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because the other kids aren't like you, and if you show them how… special you are they'll get jealous. And when people are jealous they do bad things."

"Is that why you go away some times? Because people got jealous?" James asked, he went to dunk his fork in his milk.

"Drink your milk, James," she said.

"But I don't like milk."

"Drink it, or you won't get a surprise after school," she said. He sighed, a pout on his lips and he looked at his father. Steve nodded and James heaved a world weary sigh and drank his milk.

"And yes, that's why I go away some times," Steve said. "So, while you're at school you need to pretend you're not so special."

"But Uncle Tony said that I should be proud of being special."

"Well, Uncle Tony is right," Steve said, "but you have to keep it inside and not tell everyone."

"So, I can't tell Mrs. Burke my daddy is Captain America?" James asked.

"Absolutely not," she said, bulldozing Steve and fixing James with a hard look. "You can't tell anyone at school what Daddy and I do. If you did it could get Daddy very badly hurt."

"Nat, you're scaring him," Steve said, as he slipped a hand beneath the table to give her knee a squeeze. "James," he said, his voice soft and calm. "Mommy's right about that. They don't need to know I'm Captain America or that your Mommy is Black Widow."

"What happens if I forget?"

"Well, if you… you remember all the people with the camera that like to try and get Uncle Tony's picture?"

"Uh-huh."

"They'll come here and try to get your picture," he said. James' eyes grew wide and the color faded a little from his cheeks. He had been caught in a paparazzi storm one day when Tony was watching him. He had nightmares about it for a week. Pepper had to some serious damage control to make sure James' picture didn't leak all over the internet.

"Okay, I won't say anything," James said.

"That's my boy," Steve said, reaching over the table to ruffle his hair. He gave her a wink as she finished her coffee. He hopped off the chair and went to the living room to play with his toys. She felt Steve staring at her.

"What?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she insisted. Nothing was wrong, she had no reason to be wound up. It wasn't like the school bus was going to deviate from its path and shuttle her precious son into the jaws of their enemies. No, this was a good school. Laura's children went to it. If Clint trusted this school with his own family than surely,  _surely_  it was good enough and safe enough for her own son. "I'm fine Steve. Did you call Bucky?"

"Yes, last night, he'll pick up James."

"Good. Good."

"I still think you should call Fury and get a sick day, you should be home for James when he gets back."

"I'll be home at five o'clock," she said, watching him gather up the dishes. "Did you make his lunch?"

"The school provides lunch for kindergarteners." He set the dishes in the sink. "Nat, this is his first day of school, first time being away from us with people that are effectively strangers. I know he knows Bucky, but… Bucky is his  _uncle_ , you're his mother. There's a clear difference."

"You should be home too then, by that logic." She frowned when he looked away. "What? What are you telling me Steve?"

"Tony, Wanda and I are going to China. Terrorist cell and—"

"On James' first day or school?" she slammed her hands on the table and stood up. "Why didn't you tell me!"

"Because I at least could see him off. Look, it's not that… it's going to be a quick get in, get out."

"That's what you said about—"

"Don't," he growled, standing to his full height. "I'll be gone three days,  _tops_. Bucky's staying on the couch—"

"You're going to have Bucky  _babysit_ me? Are you saying I'm incapable of—"

"No, I'm not." He walked over to her and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry I sprung this on you. But you've been so wound up lately with James going to school, I didn't want you to worry. Bucky's just here to help out in case you need it. Plus, Sam said it's not good for him to be alone so often."

"But I thought, him and Darcy—"

"You met Darcy once, you know how she is."

"Yes, but—"

"If Bucky has a panic attack you can neutralize him," he said and pressed a kiss to her head. "Please."

"Fine." She looked up at him. "Be careful."

"I'm not gone yet. We won't leave until later this afternoon. You know how Tony is. Thinks the world revolves around him."

"I know." She gave him a kiss and pulled away. "James, time to go, get your backpack."

"Mommy can I—"

"No, you can't bring any of your toys," she said, "chop chop, don't want to miss the bus." She squeaked when Steve pulled her back against his chest and pressed a kiss to her nape. "Steve."

"Darling." He held her a bit longer before letting her go.

She sighed, she could still feel the warmth of his lips even as she stood here, clutching James' tiny hand. Steve held James' other hand, head bowed. She knew he was crying, because he had given her there is dust in my eyes excuse. James had looked between his parents, sighing in frustration as they waited for the bus. "I see it!" James shouted, pulling his hand from her grip to point at the clunky yellow vehicle that rumbled towards them. "I see it!"

"Yes," she said. "Stay with me and Daddy." She took his hand again, as the bus pulled up to their house. It stopped, opening the doors and the flashing stop sign extended. "Give Daddy a kiss."

"Bye son, remember what I told you about being special," Steve said as he accept the hug and the kiss from James.

"I will Daddy!" he said. "Will I see you when I get home?"

"Daddy has a business trip this afternoon, you'll see me in three days, but if I get a chance we'll video chat tonight before your bed time."

"Okay!" he said and looked at her. "Bye Mommy." He gave her a hug and a kiss too before heading towards the street. She gave a terrified and un-Black Widow squeak as her son headed towards the bus without her. She moved to go after him, but Steve pulled her against his chest. She watched as James stood on the first step. She felt the tears well up then, remembering the joy she felt at finding out she was pregnant, that she actually made it to the second trimester after three miscarriages, feeling him kick for the first time, holding him for the first time, his first words, first steps… first day of school. He was too young, he was only five, he still needed her.

"Let him go Nat," Steve whispered, "he has to grow up, do this by himself." He nuzzled her hair.

"But… but he's my baby," she said, her tears choking her voice. James waved back at them before greeting the bus driver and taking his seat up front. "He's my baby."

"I know, and he'll always will be, but you can't hold his hand forever. One day he'll grow up and inherit the shield. I can't be ground command forever."

"Steve—"

"It's okay, because no matter how big he gets, you'll always be his mother. You'll always have that special place in his life, in his heart. Nothing will ever take that away from you." He steered her back towards the house, walking with his arm around her waist.

She nodded and glanced over her shoulder, the bus had driven out of sight. The wind rustled and the leaves broke from their stems and drifted down.

**Author's Note:**

> MCU (c) Marvel Studios
> 
> It's… kinda fluffy?
> 
> Hope you enjoyed.
> 
> So, uh… Shuri and Helen but their heads together and fixed Nat's infertility issue, but even though she can conceive it was still difficult: miscarriages, false positives, and her actual pregnancy with James was very high risk.
> 
> Save an author; leave a review.


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